Anonymous Communist

I suppose I should be happy that a beloved former Cardinal found work again, but in that uniform? Why don’t you run over my dog in your Ferrari while you’re at it, Jim?

And what are Cubs fans to do now that the man they loved to hate is on their team? Will they now cheer for what they once lustily booed: his uppercut swing, his flair for the dramatic, his frosted tips? At least now, Cubs fans won’t have to deal with him killing their pitching anymore.

There’s apparently no truth to the rumor that Carlos Zambrano drilled Edmonds with a fastball when Edmonds walked into the clubhouse.

At long last, baseball season is here again. Opening Day ought to be a national holiday. No work, no school… just baseball all day and all night long (all night). A day on which fans of differing stripes can put their differences aside and exult side by side in the glory of the Church of Baseball.

OK, that last one was a bit much. But you get the point: Baseball rules. Now I can watch ESPN without wanting to gouge out my eyes with a rusty screwdriver. I’ve missed you, Karl Ravech. John Kruk, not so much.

Springfield is a Mason-Dixon Line of sorts for baseball fandom in Illinois. On one side, you have a team that represents all that is wonderful about the world: bike rides on warm spring days, Hostess Ding-Dongs, having a baby-sitter on a Friday night, etc. On the other side, you have the Cubs.

Unfortunately, though, the Cubs are the class of the National League Central Division this season. As Cardinals fans, we must accept this fact. We also must accept that Cardinals pitching is going to be bad. Brutal. Historically awful. A pitching staff that statistically was one of the worst in franchise history last year is going to be even worse this year. Plus, Tony F. La Russa is still the manager.
That said, there still are a few reasons to watch the Cardinals this year:

• Albert Pujols: Duh. Although his elbow is a ticking time bomb. When his right ulnar collateral ligament tears the rest of the way, he’ll be done. Enjoy him this season while you still can.
• Adam Wainwright: His place in the Cardinals pantheon of heroes is forever secured thanks to one magic curveball, which has left Carlos Beltran frozen in the batter’s box since October 2006. He’s the Cards’ top starting pitcher now, and while he doesn’t possess the stuff of a true ace, he’s a competitor. He’ll never back down. He sort of the anti-Marquis.
• Brian Barton: Barton was plucked from the Indians organization during last year’s Rule 5 draft. Although he’s had fewer than 100 plate appearances at the Triple-A level, he’s shown a consistent ability to get on base as well as a proclivity to steal bases at a reasonable rate of success. Once Skip “Mr. March” Schumaker once again shows he’s not an everyday player, Barton should be given a chance at the leadoff spot. Fun Brian Barton fact: Despite hitting .371 in his final season at the University of Miami, Barton fell to the 38th round of the draft. There were concerns that he would continue his post-graduate work in aerospace engineering and become an astronaut. Smart kid.
• Colby Rasmus: This kid is the future. He’s the jewel of a slowly improving farm system and although he played well in spring training, he’ll begin the season at Triple-A Memphis. He’ll be up for good by August, though. He’s the reason why the Cardinals traded the beloved but fading Jim Edmonds. Rasmus can hit, hit for power, take walks, steal bases and play a mean centerfield, a premium defensive position.
• Rico Washington: A veteran of 11 minor league seasons, Uncle Rico will make his major-league debut at age 30. You absolutely have to root for a guy like that. Plus, he’s got an impossibly cool name.

There you have it. It’s going to be pretty bleak for our crimson-clad superheroes this season. I put the over-under at 70.5 wins.

Oh, and fuck the Cubs.

The 2008 inductees to the Baseball Hall of Fame will be announced Tuesday. Baseball fans like to pass the cold, dark days of winter arguing various players’ Hall worthiness, and I’m no different.

There is nobody in the crop of first-time eligibles worth enshrining (with the possible exception of Tim Raines), so lets take a look at some of the holdovers. Fortunately, I can recycle an old post from a different blog to save time:

Bert Blyleven: For the life of me, I can’t figure out why the Dutchman isn’t in the Hall. Why should voters love thee? Let me count the ways: 287 wins; career ERA+ of 118; top 10 in ERA 10 times; top 10 in WHIP 11 times; 13th all-time in innings pitched; 3,701 strikeouts, good for fifth (fifth!) all time; and a career K/BB ratio of 2.8. Naysayers may point to his 250 losses or his penchant for the long ball. But let’s take a look at the strikeouts. Of the four men ahead of him on the all-time list, two are in the Hall and two will be. Of the next 11 men after him, eight are in and one (Maddux) certainly will be; the others (Schilling, Martinez) merit consideration. Of course, the win is a highly imperfect measure, but you don’t pile up 287 by accident. And if you are a believer in Baseball-Reference’s comps, eight of Blyleven’s 10 most similar players are in the Hall. Come on, baseball writers… vote him in. Don’t fuck this fucking thing up.

Andre Dawson: If players such as Billy Williams and Dave Winfield, both fine players, are in, there’s no reason that Hawk should be out. Plus, there’s that whole (undeserved) 1987 NL MVP award.

Rich Gossage: When it was announced that old friend Bruce Sutter made the Hall, I tried to make a case for the Goose’s inclusion. My feelings haven’t changed. During nine seasons, Gossage played Harlem Globetrotters to the rest of the league’s Washington Generals. He straight-up housed opposing hitters. From the mid-1970s to the mid-1980s, he was the most lethal reliever in the major leagues. Just check his ERA+ from those years, and you’ll see what I mean. Honestly, I think it’s kind of a shame that Sutter made the Hall before the Goose.

Jim Rice: I’m not against enshrining Rice, but if it’ll get Dan Shaughnessy to shut up, then I’m all for it.

You might notice a certain well-muscled yet gutless slugger absent from this list. Since he’s not willing to talk about his past, I’m not either.

At long last, the Mitchell Report on steroid use in Major League Baseball finally has been released. The first paragraph of the report is as “no shit” as some of the players allegedly named:

For more than a decade there has been widespread illegal use of anabolic steroids and other performance enhancing substances by players in Major League Baseball, in violation of federal law and baseball policy.

For far too long, steroids usage has been baseball’s dirty little secret, one that got a little less secretive as names slowly leaked out. Now that the metaphorical faucet has been turned on and we have even the slightest idea of the scope of doping, perhaps we as baseball fans can finally move on. Perhaps we can finally stop suspect who’s using and who isn’t and get back to appreciating just how badly the Cubs suck the beauty of the game of baseball.

Ever since former Sen. George Mitchell began his research, I have been salivating in anticipation about which players will be named. I’m watching the news conference live, but I guess he’s not going to rattle them off.

There are names in the released report, but I haven’t seen a comprehensive list. Some news organization needs to comb the report and post the “official” list. This morning, WNBC-TV in New York posted a list of players allegedly in the report, but MLB disputed that report and the list later was removed.

UPDATE 1:55 pm: The Mitchell Report goes into lengthy and rather disgusting detail about Roger Clemens’ steroid use:

Clemens asked [strength coach Brian] McNamee to inject him with Winstrol, which Clemens supplied. McNamee knew the substance was Winstrol because the vials Clemens gave him were so labeled. McNamee injected Clemens approximately four times in the buttocks over a several-week period with needles that Clemens provided.

Gee, Roger Clemens on steroids? His is probably the biggest “no shit” name I’ve seen so far. What the hell… I’ll start combing the list myself. In the meantime, Rotoworld’s player news index lists many players fingered by McNamee or former Mets clubhouse attendant Kirk Radomski, both central figures in the Mitchell Report.

UPDATE 2:15 pm: Finally… someone’s posted a list of names in the Mitchell Report.

UPDATE: 2:55 pm: Hmmm… in going through the list, there are only two super-duper stars on it: Clemens and Barry Bonds, players whose steroid usage was obvious to anyone with functioning eyeballs. There also are a few I’ve had sneaking suspicions about: Kevin Brown, Eric Gagne, Troy Glaus, Andy Pettite and Miguel Tejada.

But the bulk of the list is made up of a bunch of stiffs, luminaries such as Gary Bennett, Larry Bigbie, Nook Logan, Cody McKay, Adam Piatt and others. These are marginal major-leaguers, known as Quadruple-A players. These are guys that are too good for the Triple-A minor leagues but not good enough to stick in the majors. It is these players who have the biggest incentive to take steroids, the thinking being is that if they can get an edge that they’ll stick on a big-league roster. Or as Nate Silver at Baseball Prospectus puts it:

(I)t’s the guys who are trying to become millionaires — not those who are millionaires already — who have the most reason to cheat.

So there you have it, folks. I think the release of the report has been a bit of an emotional letdown; my expectations were very high going in, and I don’t think you can automatically assume that players not on the list are clean. The fallout in the days and weeks ahead should be very interesting.

WGN Radio is reporting that the Chicago Cubs finally have landed the object of their offseason desire, Japanese outfielder Kosuke Fukodome.

Not that I care or anything; I just wanted to use that post title. If he’s any sort of cool, he’ll use the Public Enemy song as his entrance music.

[Obligatory snickering at his last name]

Collegiate-level baseball is coming to town.

Having signed a five-year deal to play at Robin Roberts Stadium at Lanphier Park, all the Springfield Sliders need is a league. It seems the choices are between the four-team CICL, of which the now-defunct Springfield Rifles were part, or the 14-member Northwoods League. The choice seems pretty obvious to me.

As other bloggers have already pointed out, I think it will be nice to be able to spend a summer evening at Robin Roberts Stadium watching some baseball. No, the facility isn’t the nicest nor most up-to-date, but for watching college players for 17 games (Northwoods teams played 34 games this past season), the old ballyard will be adequate. Plus, the kids will enjoy stomping their feet on the metal grandstand as much as we did when the Single-A Springfield Cardinals ruled the roost (if you’ll forgive the expression) two decades ago.

Another run in the Sliders favor is that a night at Robin Roberts Stadium isn’t going to require a second mortgage. I checked single-game ticket prices for some of the teams and found that they go for $5-$7, with discounts for kids. That should leave plenty of cash for beer soda, beer hotdogs, beer peanuts and beer souvenirs. Oh, and beer, too.

And because an outing would be relatively inexpensive, you could introduce kids to baseball at their pace. Oftentimes it seems that because a major-league outing is so expensive, kids should remain steadfast in their attention to the playing field in order to get your money’s worth. And let’s face it: Baseball isn’t the most riveting sport for the unlearned. The joy of seeing a rightfielder hit his cutoff man with a perfect throw to keep a runner from advancing is one of baseball’s innumerable nuances, which can’t all be learned within nine innings.

The optimist in me (which is constantly belittled by the much bigger realist) hopes that this five-year Northwoods experiment could be an audition of sorts for an actual MLB-affiliated minor-league team. That would require a new stadium as well as a forward-thinking visionary with lots of good ideas.

As much as it disgusts me to write, the Cubs are in the playoffs. Guh. It’s like I recognize those words individually, but they don’t make any sense when used together.

Anyway, baseball’s most futile franchise resumes their Sisyphean quest tonight at 9:07, a time that is rather inconvenient for the morning news cycle. The scary thing is that I think the Cubs are going to beat the Diamondbacks in the best-of-5 NLDS. Here’s why:

• LINEUPS: While Arizona did hit more home runs as a team than the Cubs, Chicago’s big three bats (Alfonso Soriano, Aramis Ramirez and Derrek Lee) are better than any three that the D-bagsbacks have to offer. ADVANTAGE: Cubs.
• ROTATION: Again, Chicago’s troika of Carlos Zambrano, Ted Lilly and Rich Hall is collectively better than Arizona’s Brandon Webb, Doug Davis and Livan Hernandez. The Cubs trio walks fewer and strikes out more batters. More strikeouts means fewer balls in play, which means fewer hits. ADVANTAGE: Cubs.
• BULLPEN: As a whole, Arizona’s bullpen is slightly better than that of the Cubs. The two teams’ middle relievers and set-up men match up fairly well, but it’s no contest between the closers. Jose Valverde is far better than Ryan Dempster, especially recently: Dempster has been consistently atrocious for the past few weeks now, and Valverde has been more or less lights-out during the same timeframe. ADVANTAGE: Diamondbacks.
• LUCK: The Diamondbacks won a National League-high 90 games this season, largely through smoke and mirrors. Their run differential was -20, meaning they gave up 20 more runs than they scored. According to a formula called Pythagorean win-loss, the Diamondbacks should have won only 79 games, based on their run differential. That they outperformed their Pythagorean record by 11 wins hints that they had quite a bit of good luck this season. The Cubs, on the other hand, had a +62 run differential and actually underperformed their Pythagorean by two wins. ADVANTAGE: Cubs.

It’s an admittedly unlearned analysis. I’m going to say Cubs in 4.