Anonymous Communist

The Girl’s soccer lidlifter was this past weekend. Those of you who know me or who regularly read this Web log know I harbor a severe and unyielding prejudice against the sport.

My anti-soccer bias is one of my many shortcomings as a human being. But I am big enough not to pass along my prejudices to my children (except for my loathing of the Chicago National League Ball Club; some things are just too important), so I keep my yap shut around my kids when it comes to soccer.

I also keep my yap shut at the games. I wish I could say they same for the other parents. Some of them were a little enthusiastic with their “encouragement.” As soon as the whistle blew to start the game, some “adults” were screaming instructions from the sidelines, things like:

[redacted], get after the ball!

Get back! Get back! Get back!

Take the shot!

ARRRRRRRRGH!!!!!

I heard one mom say, out loud, how “stressed out” she was watching her kid play, in between embarrassing, asinine bleatings from the sideline. Her child, along with her child’s teammates, is SEVEN YEARS OLD. If a parent is going to get that worked up now, what’s it going to be like in later years when the games actually mean something? “Adults” were actually getting frustrated by what their child was doing or not doing on the pitch.

Here’s a friendly tip for all you overbearing soccer parents: Shut up and let your children play. It’s supposed to be fun for them. You screaming “instructions” or “encouragement” from the sidelines only causes embarrassment, for them and for yourself. Even though they’re only 7 years old, I’m pretty sure that they know they’re supposed to run after the ball and kick it and stuff.

Here’s another tip: Let Coach be Coach. It’s his/her job to do the instructing and encouraging, not yours. If you want to practice one on one with your child on your own time, fine. But once your little Beckham steps between the white lines, it’s Coach’s ballgame.

Gosh, I can’t wait for Game 2 on Saturday.