No finer song has ever been written at Anonymous Communist

No finer song has ever been written

At long last, baseball season is here again. Opening Day ought to be a national holiday. No work, no school… just baseball all day and all night long (all night). A day on which fans of differing stripes can put their differences aside and exult side by side in the glory of the Church of Baseball.

OK, that last one was a bit much. But you get the point: Baseball rules. Now I can watch ESPN without wanting to gouge out my eyes with a rusty screwdriver. I’ve missed you, Karl Ravech. John Kruk, not so much.

Springfield is a Mason-Dixon Line of sorts for baseball fandom in Illinois. On one side, you have a team that represents all that is wonderful about the world: bike rides on warm spring days, Hostess Ding-Dongs, having a baby-sitter on a Friday night, etc. On the other side, you have the Cubs.

Unfortunately, though, the Cubs are the class of the National League Central Division this season. As Cardinals fans, we must accept this fact. We also must accept that Cardinals pitching is going to be bad. Brutal. Historically awful. A pitching staff that statistically was one of the worst in franchise history last year is going to be even worse this year. Plus, Tony F. La Russa is still the manager.
That said, there still are a few reasons to watch the Cardinals this year:

Albert Pujols: Duh. Although his elbow is a ticking time bomb. When his right ulnar collateral ligament tears the rest of the way, he’ll be done. Enjoy him this season while you still can.
Adam Wainwright: His place in the Cardinals pantheon of heroes is forever secured thanks to one magic curveball, which has left Carlos Beltran frozen in the batter’s box since October 2006. He’s the Cards’ top starting pitcher now, and while he doesn’t possess the stuff of a true ace, he’s a competitor. He’ll never back down. He sort of the anti-Marquis.
Brian Barton: Barton was plucked from the Indians organization during last year’s Rule 5 draft. Although he’s had fewer than 100 plate appearances at the Triple-A level, he’s shown a consistent ability to get on base as well as a proclivity to steal bases at a reasonable rate of success. Once Skip “Mr. March” Schumaker once again shows he’s not an everyday player, Barton should be given a chance at the leadoff spot. Fun Brian Barton fact: Despite hitting .371 in his final season at the University of Miami, Barton fell to the 38th round of the draft. There were concerns that he would continue his post-graduate work in aerospace engineering and become an astronaut. Smart kid.
Colby Rasmus: This kid is the future. He’s the jewel of a slowly improving farm system and although he played well in spring training, he’ll begin the season at Triple-A Memphis. He’ll be up for good by August, though. He’s the reason why the Cardinals traded the beloved but fading Jim Edmonds. Rasmus can hit, hit for power, take walks, steal bases and play a mean centerfield, a premium defensive position.
Rico Washington: A veteran of 11 minor league seasons, Uncle Rico will make his major-league debut at age 30. You absolutely have to root for a guy like that. Plus, he’s got an impossibly cool name.